Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
