Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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