I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
