Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
