My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
