What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
