highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
