Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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