Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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