That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
