I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
