no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
