drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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