i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
