sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
