Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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