just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
