someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
