I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize