this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
