You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
