i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
