My friends, they love my intelligence
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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