Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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