I wish I only lived at night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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