two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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