Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
