Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he fucked my hip out of place.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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