You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
