I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
being pregnant is like rehab
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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