I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
