nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Your penis caused this!
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