the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
