He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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