I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
