my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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