Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
