he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
