Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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