you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i barfeds in our rink
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
