Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
