I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
