Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
