Don't make out with my wife yet
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
