last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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