So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
