The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
