Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
