i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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