How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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