He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
