dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize