A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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