where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
