I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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