you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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