That's intense
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
