I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
