His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
