She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
