you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
