also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
