i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
