my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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