the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
