I'm really into asian looking animals
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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