i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
