I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
