I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
