Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
