Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
