I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
