I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there was a trapeze. enough said
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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