The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
