Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
