It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
