Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize