I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
