Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
3 2 1 whiskey
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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