Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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